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4:08 pm - 26/01/2014

Aida 2.0

I’ve always welcomed change and personal development. Always.
It’s actually been a standing goal of mine as long as i can remember.

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From the early school years when it was all about testing different styles and push boundaries.
To living situations, living super comfy and luxurios vs. in a student flat with 4 others.
Work situations, having a 9 to 5 vs. having 4 jobs at once.
I’ve been there i’ve done that. And god have i learned from it.

It wasn’t until my move back to Sweden 2010 that i became you might call it a bit “afraid” of moving forward, afraid is a strong word and I’m not sure it fits in here, but i wasn’t as sure and welcoming to change as i may have been to that point in my life. Why you may think, actually I’m thinking it aswell and i’ve been thinking about this for the last couple of days and i really need and want to share this with you since it’s something i wish for everyone to be able to discover about them selves.

When i came here from Milan in May 2010 i was a bit lost, a bit overwhelmed, a bit worried and sad actually.
Milan was what had become my “grown up” home, i had finished school there, gotten lifelong friendships, grown up, taken care of myself and lived my life day after day on my terms.

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My walk in closet “a la Carrie Bradshaw”

I love Italia i loved her even before i moved there, with all her flaws.

So what was i doing here? Why did i leave her? was it really time?
All these questions echoed in my head, god knows how many times.

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What i didn’t know (obviously) was that my life was about to change 360° in just 3 years.

Do you believe in faith?
Well i do.
I believe that there is something subconscious within us that draws us to our purpose, wether it is to find our perfect match, to choose the right  path in our career or deciding where to live.
I dont believe that faith is the only thing that leads us, oh  no, i am a strong believer of hard work and a strong mind with goals.
Goals and will, together with the love and support from my mother and brother is what has led me thru life this far and it’s not about to change any time soon if i get to decide.

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My mom and Brother at Maximus 1st Bday.

This below is something i wrote in the end of 2010 when i really started to feel what i mention above, when i started questioning change and personal growth.
This is also what i mean with faith and subconsiousness when i wrote that i was trying to find a way to fit the 2 versions of me into one,
“The Fashion above all – Aida” together with the “I want to start building a family  -Aida”

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Somewhere around that time is when we found out that we were going to become parents!

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So as i mentioned, subconsciously in my mind i was already preparing.

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It’s such a magic thing how life works and how our  road and journey in it develops!
When Maximus was born, during my parent leave i had even more time to think and reflect about all this and who was i, where was i going?
When you are home with a child in that way you really get some things in perspective.
Like for instance, i was SO AFRAID of letting go of the “old” me (know that sounds harsh) and embracing the new changes in my life everything from not being able to walk in 13 cm heels EVERYDAY, EVERYWHERE (even if i did push myself and did a lot of times when i knew id be better off)

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to be so happy and full of joy that this little tiny person brought me and still does every single day by doing nothing particular,
his existence is the pure source of happiness. (now hers aswell)

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So have i managed to combine the “2 me’s”?

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I would want to say i did, right upon the birth of my daughter.

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Jan

Maximus Dea

With the always so wise advice from one of my closest friends, (Thanks E) i realized that it wasn’t  about COMBINING these two versions of me anymore.

It was time  to UPGRADE me. (yes Beyonce said it first)

I have embraced change, growing personally is something that has been my main focus all my life!
I realize that’s exactly what I’ve done. I’ve grown.
Im still growing.
I’ve grown in to a FAMILY of my own.
I’ve grown in to the strong and loving mother i’ve always wanted to be.
I’ve grown in to sharing my life with the one man i cannot stand being one day without.

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Im writing this to all you out there who are doubting your purpose and trying to fit in all your alter egos in to one.
It’s possible! You just have to have faith and never ever doubt your value and life goals.

With that said i want to thank Freshnet and all the amazing peeps in it!
Im moving on to Aida 2.o

xx

Leave a comment

E- February 1, 2014 at 11:52 pm
Åh vad underbart beskrivet! Jag är just nu i ett skede där jag undrar vart jag är påväg och där nya dörrar har öppnats, jag vet inte hur jag ska få det att funka med mitt "nuvarande jag", men jag ser fram emot det och är förväntansfull. Din text beskrev precis det jag går igenom, även om jag fortfarande försöker hitta balansen och min väg i något som kommer leda till något alldeles underbart. Lycka till med allt ! Love your blog.
Anna- January 29, 2014 at 3:30 pm
Väldigt rörande...fint. Du verkar vara en supermom!
Hana- January 26, 2014 at 7:35 pm
Så himla vackert och djupt skrivet. Från hjärtat. Du är en inspirationskälla för många och genom det här har du gett många, iallafall mig, en känsla av trygghet - att man växer som person konstant och hittar slutligen sig själv och den slags människa man är ämnad att vara.
Oscars mamma- January 26, 2014 at 4:57 pm
It's beautiful what you've written. Good luck, best wishes. May you live up to your mothers standard on how to be a mother. I know she's the best of rolemodels. *L*
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